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LEPER KING
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BLACK_BEARD
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 26, 2009 21:11    Post subject: LEPER KING gets snubbed?! and is left with a stub!! Reply with quote

A lone sleek black ship lands on the warplanet and one lone figure leaves. With stelth technology suit on the figure slips past the Leper Kings guards and war dog, Grrrr... The figure eats one-half of the cookie and drinks half the glass of milk left for SANTA KLAUS. Then the figure leaves two gift raped walnuts next to the glass of milk. The figure walks quietly over to the bed of the Leper King taking out a long slinder dagger with a pink ribbon tide to the hilt and cuts off 12 inch of his 13 inchs tool! Then lays the dagger next to the black rose on the bed. Next morning the Leper King gets up to go to the bathroom to relieve himself. "FROG" yells the Leper King. "I have only a one inch stub?!" yells Leper King. Guards run into the bedroom to find the Leper King grabing his stub. Find who did this to my manhood, guards!
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Giner
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 26, 2009 21:37    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sir Giner looked upon the holographic display infront of him in disgust, such a vile use of the Language that he was proud to call his own.

What grabbed his attention however was the remark about the conquering of the "prison" planet belonging to Lady Sjet of the house Ulthwe currently assigned to his own house Resurr Templar.

The attack on Lady Sjets planet, Giner considered, to be an attack on his own house, and the fact it can be called a prison planet was a sign of disrespect.

Sir Giner called up his communications officer, and asked him to prepare a transmission.

"Dear LeperKing,

Your attacks on the planets of Resurr Templar and Ulthwe shall not be taken lightly, our vengeance shall come and it will be dealt with such wrath!

Giner
Knight of the Order of Templar."

Sir Giner walked swiftly to the bridge of his Leviathan Class warship to decide his next move.
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BLACK_BEARD
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 10, 2010 21:00    Post subject: DOOR KEEPER HAS A CLUB Reply with quote

Manservant Frog swaggers down the hall to the Leper Kings chamber of power. Hmm.... my master is not going to be happy about Admiral Nikoy giving Miss Sjet protection. Me's think this Admiral Nikoy black leather flight suit is what Miss Sjet likes. Maybe my master should get a black flight suit also! But, after my masters 12 inch tool heals back on. (Frog snickers to himself) FROG, get in here yells the Leper King. Why is it that every time we approch a water world the fish people scream in terror and run away? You know it makes it harder for us to hunt them, FROG. Fishsticks.... tasty fishticks.... mmm.... mutters manservant FROG. FROG you and Mad Monk Mikey have got to stop net fishing with probe ships, states Leper King. We are trying to win over the planet not eat the planet, FROG! Ow.... yells, Leper King. FROG notes a pix of Miss Sjet and black rose on the desk of the Leper King. FROG states, master I believe this Admiral Nikoy with the black leather flight suit has given Miss Sjet protection. "Protection from what, FROG?" states Leper King. I believe it is fish people master. It seems they wish to gum her to death. Leave me FROG, every time I yell I pull a stitch out of my tool. FROG snickers as he leaves the Leper Kings chamber of power.
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storm
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 22, 2010 08:09    Post subject: Reply with quote

"Interessting, Leper King, don't you think?" storm was doing some gymnastics on her beloved ship and talking to Leper King over the oversized screen.

"It turned out that the beautiful swan you wanted to cook changed into a horrible storm instead of a delicious meal. You better duck your big Leper head and get out of my way."

While standing in the back arch she had to smile. "Reminds me very much of the picture of princess Peach which turns into evil Bowser when you get near it. So try if you can catch my tail and toss me into the bomb or if I'll kick you into the abyss."
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BLACK_BEARD
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PostPosted: Sat Jan 23, 2010 14:04    Post subject: WILL WORK FOR FOOD Reply with quote

Leper King lifts his PBR to Rip Torn, and Mad Monk Mikey toasting to there many easy victorys and plunder. Mad Monk forks his fishstick and was about to eat the head off of a rather tasty looking fishstick when he gets a pain in this left ear.... a really sharp pain..... the only time he gets this is when we jump! Mad Monk stands up droping his PBR on the tablet and yells, "WERE UNDER A SURPRISE ATTACK"! The fish creatures are here... Mad Monk ducks under the table of victory. Leper King looks at Rip Torn and states, what is that mad monk talking about Rip Torn? At that moment reports where coming about a hugh fleet attacking the FRIENDS TO ALL warplanet. After the dust settles... you see Mad Monk reach from under the table to grab a new PBR. The whole mighty fleet of Leper King was destroyed! Leper King yells, FROG get my fleet captain B-FART in here. Manservant FROG snickers, yes master. A 6 foot 3 inch standing tall fleet commander walk with confidence into the camber of power. Yes my king, it seems we had a major failure.. Leper King cuts the commander short. Failure, Failure.. wheres my fleet? Its all there master its just in "peaches," states commander B-FART. "Peaches," dont you mean pieces! FROG snickers.... Oh, a, yes, masters. Pieces. The group stand around talking and looking at maps and projects and come up with a plan!!!!! FROG you lap dog, get over here, we have a plan! FROG snickers to himself knowing a plan to save the leper king ass is in the works! Here put this sign around your neck. The leper king pushes manservent FROG in front of the VID screen. Croak something FROG. FROG turns the sign around and reads, "WILL WORK FOR FOOD". FROG snickers......
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BLACK_BEARD
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 21, 2010 06:45    Post subject: WORKING FOR FOOD Reply with quote

The LEPERKINGs Warplanet slips though space with a big smiling yellow face painted on a large white sheet in the front of the warplanet. The words found below the friendly face stating, "FRIENDS TO ALL". The Leper King sleeping in his bed dreams of raising to power and receiving a invite to the dance at which his future wife will be! At the helm of the warplanet is Mad Monk Mikey eating MnM's and drinking a cold PBR with manservant FROG talking to himself.... insects on a stick.... hmm.... roasted insects. The warplanet approaches the piss planet PIZRAN. "RAISE THE FLAG FROG" states Mad Monk! Yes, fryer states FROG. A pirate flag goes up with one exception?! There are two silver forks in place of the bones!! At the same time the smiling friendly face to all is removed and the smiling joker face is in view to all! Then.... you can hear the music of Hall of the Mountain King being played to the planet PIZRAN as the attack begins. Dr.Acular states, FIRST BLOOD IS MINE and runs to this attack ship. What is this FROG, the piss planet is protected by a hugh TREMOR fleet?! Order the hords to swarm the defenders of the piss planet and make them food and parts, I mean take them in chains. The planet defences where up as the insects attacked the windshields of the LEPERKINGs ships trying to block the view of the pilots. The insect planet PIZRAN of House TREMOR falls after a great space battle with 11 TREMOR ships.
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Tremor
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 21, 2010 11:56    Post subject: Reply with quote

Eleven small ships saw the Leperkings large fleet approach. Bravely, they took a stand defending their house against the invader. But they were too few, too small. All their courage in vain, they were slain. The members of the crews will be remembered as true heroes. May they rest in peace at last.
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BLACK_BEARD
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 27, 2010 06:51    Post subject: PIRATE NEWS TODAY Reply with quote

[pre war report from the planet Omat from pirate news reporter Arrrr] Yes fellow pirates the booty from planet Omat was to much for the war machine Tremor to let loose! [pix of over 200 Tremor warbirds jumping on to the planet Omat] As you can see the PieRat commander ArrMatty is still taking loot from the planet as we speak. [pirates are removing the gold toliet from the former Tremor city hall] "Men leave the gold toliet and take all the robotwoman you can carry, we will need them for the long trip home!" states PieRat commander ArrMatty. [the reporter pans the streets and you see pirates grabing robotworman and carring them off to the ships] As you can see the pirates are waiting for the Tremor fleet with gun ports open. It seem they are taking as much loot as possible before leaving. This is pre war reporter Arrrr for PIRATE NEWS TODAY.
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Tremor
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 27, 2010 13:03    Post subject: Reply with quote

Lord Tremor leaned back in his command chair awaiting the coming battle.

They were going to jump into combat. This was rarely done due the exacting calculations needed, but when you want total surprise, it was the way to go.

Initially it look like a perfect jump insertion. The countdown proceeded without delays, every light that should glow green did. The jump happened smoothly, they came out of it right on top of the target planet. And the enemy had just the small force his spies had reported and not the ambush he had feared.

Everything was going according to plan. The war ships that had been docked for the jump now launched in perfect formations.

And then... they stopped. Nothing happened.

Lord Tremor got up and shouted "SHOOT THEM!". Nobody moved. The two swarms of war ships hung in space, within easy firing distance, but they didn't fire.

"My Lord?" The speaker was clearly nervous. Lord Tremor turned to look at the representative for the Space Workers Union, Combat Personnel Chapter. She swallowed and continued, "Sir, you have ordered a ship-to-planet attack. That is against Union rules, and will not be done."

"What? This is clearly a warplanet-to-planet attack!" Lord Tremor waved his hand towards the planet filling most of the view screen.

"Ah, no. The planet is in sector 1234/567 and this warplanet is currently in sector 1233/567, so according to Union rule 342 point 6f, this is NOT a warplanet-to-planet attack."

"But, but..." Lord Tremor was momentarily speechless. He might have slugged the representative if his phone hadn't rung.

The phone never rang during red alert. He had people answering his phone then. Nevertheless it rang. He carefully lifted the receiver. "Hello?"

"Tremor, we need to talk". He knew that voice, though they had never talked. The First Steward of the Union just didn't talk to minor war lords like himself. All Lord Tremor was able to answer was "Whaa..."

The Steward was probably used to this reaction and continued, "If you don't follow Union rules, none of your ships will ever fly again. Do you understand?"

"Yes, I understand", he was able to croak out. The phone went dead in his hand and he put it down.

The next orders pained him, but they had to be given:
"Take us down to yellow alert. There will be no fighting today."
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Gozer
Commander


Joined: 25 Oct 2007
Posts: 16

PostPosted: Mon Mar 29, 2010 22:47    Post subject: Reply with quote

Tremor wrote:
Lord Tremor leaned back in his command chair awaiting the coming battle.

They were going to jump into combat. This was rarely done due the exacting calculations needed, but when you want total surprise, it was the way to go.

Initially it look like a perfect jump insertion. The countdown proceeded without delays, every light that should glow green did. The jump happened smoothly, they came out of it right on top of the target planet. And the enemy had just the small force his spies had reported and not the ambush he had feared.

Everything was going according to plan. The war ships that had been docked for the jump now launched in perfect formations.

And then... they stopped. Nothing happened.

Lord Tremor got up and shouted "SHOOT THEM!". Nobody moved. The two swarms of war ships hung in space, within easy firing distance, but they didn't fire.

"My Lord?" The speaker was clearly nervous. Lord Tremor turned to look at the representative for the Space Workers Union, Combat Personnel Chapter. She swallowed and continued, "Sir, you have ordered a ship-to-planet attack. That is against Union rules, and will not be done."

"What? This is clearly a warplanet-to-planet attack!" Lord Tremor waved his hand towards the planet filling most of the view screen.

"Ah, no. The planet is in sector 1234/567 and this warplanet is currently in sector 1233/567, so according to Union rule 342 point 6f, this is NOT a warplanet-to-planet attack."

"But, but..." Lord Tremor was momentarily speechless. He might have slugged the representative if his phone hadn't rung.

The phone never rang during red alert. He had people answering his phone then. Nevertheless it rang. He carefully lifted the receiver. "Hello?"

"Tremor, we need to talk". He knew that voice, though they had never talked. The First Steward of the Union just didn't talk to minor war lords like himself. All Lord Tremor was able to answer was "Whaa..."

The Steward was probably used to this reaction and continued, "If you don't follow Union rules, none of your ships will ever fly again. Do you understand?"

"Yes, I understand", he was able to croak out. The phone went dead in his hand and he put it down.

The next orders pained him, but they had to be given:
"Take us down to yellow alert. There will be no fighting today."


My fellow Imperators, while we have many differences and have many grievances against one another, some even just, there are events that transcend these differences, bringing together all in a unity of thought and feeling.

I that spirit, I think I can speak for all imperators when I say,

I hate when that happens.
_________________
Commander Gozer in the house Gozerian
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BLACK_BEARD
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PostPosted: Wed Mar 31, 2010 23:11    Post subject: THE GOLDEN TOLIET of Tremor Reply with quote

This is pirate reporter Arrr for Pirate News Today. As you see 200 plus Tremor ship jump in orbit of a pirate owned planet. As you saw last week both fleets looking at each other with captains flying there colors. Many starcaptains fliping each other off though the starcabin windows. We have obtained radio communication from many inter orbit ship to ship calls. We must warn younger creatures that some of the following communication is not for young creatures of the universe. This is brought to you from reporter Arrr for Pirate News Today. "Yes Bob, you scab loving traitor! The union is better off with out you line walking scab traitor. Ya, Steve at least I got a job! and by the way is this or was this your robotwoman? Let me bend her over and ......" Oh you scab, Bob! I'm going to blow you out of the sky! The flight deck union captain over rides the command controls and fires on scab Bob's ship. The robotwoman says, I fell the ship move Steve?! On planet pirate commander ArrrMatty gives orders not to fire on the Tremor ships as they will move to another planet! A grand trick and this will give us more time to loot the planet!! ArrrMatty goes and removes the Golden Toliet from former Tremor city hall. Ahh a fine smooth seat, only a starcaptain like myself should own such a fine toliet! Then you could hear a great battle over head? What is this.... I gave orders not to attack the Tremor fleet as they will pass looking for us at the next planet. Egads.... reports come in as the pirate fleet attacks the Tremor fleet. Well.... Men, we have robotwoman and the Golden Toliet off to the safe house! Pirate Party at 6pm on the planet!!
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BLACK_BEARD
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PostPosted: Wed May 19, 2010 17:35    Post subject: Amber Arrr of Pirate News Today Reply with quote

This is pirate reporter Arrr for Pirate News Today (PNT). As you see a hugh Tremor fleet jumped into pirate space. As you saw last week both fleets looking at each other with captains flying there colors. Many starcaptains fliping each other off though the starcabin windows. This is brought to you from reporter Arrr for Pirate News Today. DrAcular states, "FIRST BLOOD" and body parts for my lord and leaves to attack the Tremor fleet. Good man Dr. Acular, bring me back a healthy limb! FROG snickers.... knuckles come my master, sweet Tremor knuckles come to us! The camera swings to the deep space and stars are blacked out by a hugh fleet, over 400 tremor ships! 100's of Dr. Acular ships attack in swarms evading the more powerfull and slow ships inflicting much damage to the Tremor fleet. Reporter Arrr of PNT notes the different methods of fleet development and deployment. The smaller faster pirate fleet tore up the more powerfull Termor fleet! But in the end the Tremor won the day as they finially attacked and destroyed the pirate H11 pirate plateform. Around 10 Tremor H5 were left on the field. But, a whaling fleet slowly moves thought space looking for some thing to spear?! This whaling fleet looking for parts, large prey, or just battle? This is Amber Arrr of PNT reporting from pirate space....
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BLACK_BEARD
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PostPosted: Thu May 27, 2010 17:55    Post subject: PBR vs GUINESS or MORCOOKIES vs UMBRANOX Reply with quote

FROG enters the Leper Kings chamber of power. Master, commander of a H5 sends a message to your greatness, FROG snickers..... FROG call up commander B-FART as it seems our former system overlord UMBRANOX has attacked our planet. No worry my master, it was just one of our fishstick planets we harvest tasty fishsticks, my master. Mmmm.... tasty fishsticks. FROG you wart infested toad! This is our former worthless overlord who offered no help and wished to have you as a stick shift cover for his V6 FORD truck converted to a H6 starship. FROGS eyes bugged out! FROG yells into the radio.... "commander destroy the UMBRA fleet and bring back a tasty! Your wish is our command, states the H5 commander. FROGGY, now thats taking command! States the Leper King. You may yet have a back bone! Time passes and the H5 commander reports back: "commander FROG, with only one H5 we have destroyed the large UMBRA ship Sch Beiss Dich with only one launch! states the H5 commander. They are weak ships commander FROG and we are now attacking there next ship. FROG snickers......... nuckles and PBR..... nuckles and PBR.....
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BLACK_BEARD
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PostPosted: Thu Jun 03, 2010 18:03    Post subject: The pleasure planet Vokosan destructon Reply with quote

PNT reporter Arrr has just received a video of the orbital bombardment of the regions pleasure planet Vokosan. The pleasure planet has no mining, factory production, taxation, or planet defence system. The attacking STORM fleet orbited the planet and conducted two days of orbital bombardment. It seems the Pirates of house Morcookies are out raged on the bombardment of the Morphoid pleasure creatures. We are just now getting a live feed from what seems the planet surface... [missles are entering from space at a 50 degree angle going off just above the city. The nuclear device goes off leveling a large part of the city destroyed. More missiles enter and go off around the outer rings of the city. A large cloud rises from the destroyed city. A emp pulse hits the feed and the line goes dead...] (silence.....) This is reporter Arrr and it seems the eunuch creatures of the alien race STORM are showing no mercy to a defence less planet. When we have more information on the on going march of destruction by the eunuch alien race STORM we will give you up todate reports here on PNT.
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storm
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 06, 2010 04:30    Post subject: Reply with quote

storm was sitting in her beloved armchair when her 1st commander came in and gave her the news. >> Miss, this weird creature is writing funny novels about you and calls you an eunuch. << storm laughed >> let him go on with whatever makes him happy... he's only a frog like narrow minded creature. The population of the planet is happy to be rid of him and his ridiculous regime. Taxes as high as the Eiffel Tower and spring guns everywhere trying to keep everyone on the planet... weird guy...<< she nibbled on her cup of tea and leaned back again...
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